July 26, 2010

 Who Hurt You? Forgiveness Part 1

It seems like everywhere I have gone over the last few weeks God has confronted me with the issue of unforgiveness. I went to get my nails done and the nail tech kept staring at the cross around my neck and then she began to share her story of unforgiveness. I interviewed Jackie Jones, Brian Willingham and Wylene Bridgeman and the topic that was repeated throughout each story was forgiveness and the need for it.

For the last few weeks this has been the topic of our Thursday night New Beginnings Life Group. I was supposed to be doing a weekly article for the website to coincide with what we were doing in the group, but I got behind. But if you know God you know that He will not allow us to stay behind.

Several weeks ago I went to the 2nd anniversary celebration of Pastors Warren Stewart, Jr. and Chrystal Stewart and The Church of The Remnant and the topic of Unforgiveness and our need to forgive was the message that was preached. Unforgiveness is a real problem in our churches, in our families, at our jobs and everywhere we go. Will we continue to ignore that problem or will we address it? Will we keep talking about the about it or do something about it? Will we keep telling people to get over it or will we walk with them through the process of dealing with the issues that are keeping them bound?

I read once that unforgiveness actually makes people sick. They have illnesses that are unable to be diagnosed or healed because it is not a physical illness, it is a physical manifestation of a spiritual and emotional illness. The truth is that a doctor cannot fix it, a pastor or preacher cannot fix it, only God can fix it after you make a decision that you want it to be fixed. You want to be healed, set free and delivered.

We give a lot of lip service to forgiveness. We are quick to say the words, but do we really mean what we are saying?

First we have to identify who or what hurt us. What was the situation or thing that caused your clock to stop? Caused us to stop seeing things through the innocent eyes we once viewed them through? Who hurt you? Was it:

• Your parents
• The divorce
• Harsh words from someone you loved
• Rejection
• A father that left
• A co-worker
• A trusted family friend
• A relationship gone wrong
• Were you abandoned
• Did some one die
• Physical, Sexual, emotional or verbal abuse

What was it? The only way to identify it is to be honest and first admit that it did hurt. This is not the time to be strong. This is the time to be weak before God and to allow Him to see what He already knows is there, your hurt, your pain, your walls, your unforgiveness. Remember that He is made strong in our weakness, but we have to admit our weakness and bring it honestly before Him. When you look back over your past and the things that have hurt you can you identify anything specific? Was it a person, a situation an incident? How were they able to get in to even be able to hurt you?

What methods have you used to try to deal with the hurt? Did you have the attitude that some have:

1. Treat them with a long handled spoon.
2. I never want to see or deal with that person again.
3. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

In our life group God placed it on my heart to give the members a forgiveness test. Please know I did not read this anywhere, it was something God just placed in my spirit.

Forgiveness Test-

• Does it still hurt?
• Does it still make you angry?
• Do you still resent the person or persons that hurt you?
• Do you want God’s best for that person and are you willing to allow God to use you to bring His best to pass in that person or person’s life?

A month ago we were celebrating my 25th anniversary at work. One of the attendees got up to speak and immediately began to talk about and commend herself, taking the celebration off mark. Many people approached me later to express their upset about the situation.

What was I supposed to do? I chose to ignore it, but the issue came up again as I was told about comments that were being made that were completely contrary to my attitude and how I had chosen to deal with the situation. I knew then that I would not be able to just ignore it, but would be forced to address the situation, not in anger, not in hurt, but in love. Speaking the truth in love is a healthy way to deal with our issues.

God does not want us to allow things to just pile up, but at the same time He does not want us just shooting our mouths off and ripping people up either. Think about what Jesus did on the cross. They were spitting on Him, abusing and calling Him names and His response was to ask God to forgive them because they did not know what they were doing.

Luke 23:34(a), says, 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”[a Before you can deal with the hurt you have to acknowledge that it did hurt, acknowledge your real feelings. Don’t try to mask them or pretend to acknowledge them, acknowledge that the person that hurt you was someone you trusted.

Take the time today to identify people and situations in your life that will require your forgiveness and then ask God to forgive through you. Philippians 4:13:
13 For I can do everything through Christ,[a] who gives me strength.

We have to acknowledge that on our own we don’t have the capability to forgive, but we can do all things through Christ even forgive an abusive spouse or parent or the trusted family friend or relative that abused us. Through Christ we can.

Scripture Reference-
Colossian 3:12-17
 12 -14So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
 15 -17Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.