December 15, 2008

 The High Cost of Silence!

Relationships are important. One of the keys to a good relationship is good solid communication. That does not mean we need to say everything that comes to our minds. Some of the things that we think we need to keep to ourselves and just pray about them. But when we need to say it we need to speak the truth in love.

The other day I was talking to my good friend, His Royal Highness, Carroll Roberts, aka “The Fitness Angel”. He knows me better than anyone, and he knows how excitable I am. That means when something is going on and we have some new revelation from God for the business or the ministry, I am all over it. One day he told me that I had sent 10, yes 10 messages to Terry our webmaster. Yeah, I know that is a lot, but honestly I did not realize I had sent so many, sorry Terry.

Fortunately, Carroll and Terry, both know how passionate and excited I get about the things we are doing. I was very apologetic, but he said, “no that’s cool, that’s just how you are, we are just more laid back.” All right cool so to me that meant my behavior was acceptable.

Imagine my surprise when a month later, I am talking to my friend, His Royal Highness and he shares his plans for the day. I am cool, not even phased by the fact that he will be busy all day. I know I have cell phone privileges and can leave a message. So you guessed it an hour or so later, he will tell you it was 3 messages in an hour, I don’t know, who keeps track.

Anyway an hour later, I have a brainstorm and I want to tell him. I don’t want to forget so I call and leave a message. Then I had another question and another thought so I left messages about those also. Now for those of you who are reading this or listening on podcast, that was a total of 3 messages and when I say it, it sounds like a lot, however, he knows how I am. I know you are thinking that was too much Angela, couldn’t you just write it down? Remember, he knows this about me, he knows how excited I get so I am presuming that it is no big deal.

Later that night I got a call that started out very pleasant. What’s up? You know all of the pleasantries, then he said, “Don’t take this personal, but........” We all know what that means, it’s about to get personal. He acknowledged that it irritates him when make repeated phone calls and of course I am not the only one he has ever said this too. I was totally surprised, because remember that is how I am and he knows it. I left the messages because I was excited and did not want to forget. Initially, I have to tell you my feelings were a little hurt, but it started with don’t take this personal. Can you feel me, that is always the indication that it is going to be personal.

We are going to do a podcast on this so make sure you check it out. I want to make sure you get both sides of the story, because we are such good friends we are cool and it was actually a good experience to set up this article to address communication. His point was that every time I called I interrupted what he was doing, he stopped doing what he was doing to see what I wanted. Remember he is my friend so he had to make sure I was not in a bad situation or that there was not some type of emergency. I thought the phone was probably in the car and I was just leaving messages.

I shared this with one of my sister friends and she said, I hate it when my husband does that. I am in the middle of some big project and he keeps calling, wait for me to call back. I shared it with my son and he sighed then said, “how many times did you call”?

My point is that this is what I had always done, but now he was irritated. The question should he have just let it go or should he have addressed it? Was this a problem all the time or just that day? The bible says in Ephesians 4:15, Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. What should he have done? He should have done just what he did. If it irritated him and he failed to say anything what would have happened, what purpose would have been served? Would our friendship have grown or begun to deteriorate as his irritation grew? I would have continued to do what I was doing out of ignorance and he would have continued to become more irritated until something worse happened.

Your silence in not dealing with issues could have a high cost. It could result in a major blow up and the person on the other end of the blow up may have no idea that anything was wrong. They had no clue there was a problem.

A person cannot fix or deal with a problem they don’t know exists. You owe them the opportunity to try to make it right through your open honest communication. Don’t let the issues build up until they blow up. Pray, seek God for the right words and the right timing to deal with it, but deal with it and don’t let it build up to anger. Ephesians 4:26, says,26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”[a] Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Try not to let it go down on your irritation if you can help it. It may be uncomfortable at first but it will be worth it in the long run.

Remember to watch for the podcast on this issue with Mr. Roberts. By the way, I have tried to make lists to discuss with him and we never get around to it.

Weekly Scripture:

Ephesians 4:15:
15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

New Beginnings 2008 Workout Focus
10,000/steps per day or 70,000/steps per week Walking Program*

This is the fitness opportunity that New Beginnings is promoting for 2008. It is simple and easy and almost everyone can participate at whatever level of fitness they are at. All you need is a good pair of walking shoes, comfortable clothing, a pedometer, and you're all set.
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