January 9, 2012

A New Year!

While contemplating the new year and all that it had in store I was challenged. Challenged with what to do, challenged with where to go and which way to get there, just challenged. My friends were all going out for new year’s eve and I had no plans.

I could have, many opportunities and doors were open to me, but my choice was to make no choice. I did not know why and as the day went on I found myself becoming more and more agitated and upset about what, I could not tell you. The tears came for no reason or none that I could easily put my finger on. God had made many promises to me and I was overjoyed at the possibility, but all of a sudden that day I felt like an emotional wreck.

I spoke to a friend and she tried to cheer me. She tried to answer the question, but the only problem was I did not know what the question was and when you don’t know the question there can really be no answer. She offered to come by and visit but that did not fit. I knew I needed to be alone, me, my heart and my God.

Later I got the opportunity to speak to another sister friend and daughter and shared how I was feeling. She said, “do you know what you have been through this year? You are a warrior. Did you ever take a minute to cry or to grieve what had happened?” She went on to say that in spite of all of that, you continued to minister to us, to listen to us, to be there for us.” All I could say was wow. She was right. While I had not done ministry in the way I was accustomed to doing it, I was still doing ministry.

Things were different. It was not being done in a group setting like when I was over the prayer ministry or doing bible studies. There was a lot more one on one ministry, which allowed me to be more transparent, to share who I am and what God had done and was doing in my life. The challenge to who I was and all that God had called me to be had been greater.

Wrongfully accused of things I did not do and watching God use those false accusations to show me the things He really wanted to show me. My boss counseled me wisely to look for the thread or truth and God showed it to me. Loving people that did not love me, and knowing they did not love me, it was difficult, but it had to be done. Going from walking in my gift of administration to really walking my life out using my primary gift, which is the gift of encouragement, no matter who it was or where I was.

It was time for Angela to be Angela, no matter what. Seeing the person in their totality not just for what they did or did not do. Sharing intimate parts of what God was doing in my life without fear of being misread or lied on was difficult, but necessary. A lot happened in 2011 but while it was painful, it was stressful and challenged me to the very core of who I am, it was all good. I had a desire to change and it changed me. I wanted to grow. I wanted to be all that God had called, purposed and created me to be.

I remember one of my peers saying Angela, nobody can recreate themselves and she was absolutely right, we can’t but God can do anything with a willing vessel.

God was using every challenge and every hurt to change me from the inside out. He wanted to remove the unnecessary watching and questioning. I had to stop looking that sister upside her head no matter what she was doing or saying to or about me.

Yes, the minister, the called, the chosen, was having a problem with the way people were treating her. She was having a problem with people, personalities and their issues, the very things God called me to minister to as part of the New Beginnings Ministry. I had money thrown on the table at me during our classes instead of being handed to me. Women walking past me as though they could not see me to get to my business partner at the time as though I did not exist or had done something to them. He said the same thing I said, but they did not want to hear it from me.

No matter how they treated me, I had to show love. She was not going where I was going, but my purpose required me to make the changes. Lied on yes, talked about yes, and called to love them any way yes. He wanted to change my thinking and raise my trust and faith in Him, not them. The faith walk is one that all of us must go through if we really want to walk in all that He has called us to walk in but......... it’s not easy. If it were easy we would not need God to get us through it.

My business partner at the time said why didn’t you tell me, I would have dealt with it. The truth is there was no way for him to deal with it. I had to get through it. He was not going to be there every time someone mistreated me or lied on me. I had to learn how to endure in love. I had to learn how to endure when the person that had become my enemy was someone that I thought I had a good relationship with or someone I had tried to help. It did not matter who it was, I was going somewhere and I had to be prepared to love them anyway.

Moving into the new year I was challenged. I stopped to get something to eat last night and ran into a minister from my church. She wants to do some ministry together. I have seen her for over a year at church, but we have never talked.

She said I have had my eye on you. We discussed some pleasantries, how was your new years etc. I told her about my new years eve and she said, “God was purging you”. Again all I could say was wow. I had to release the things the stuff that had gone on in 2011 to move into 2012. There was no bitterness, no hurt or unforgiveness clinging to me, but the stuff happened and I had to release it because even though I was not showing it, it was still in my bag. I still had to go through the emotional responses that are associated with each event.

None of us is too spiritual to feel or have feelings, especially when we care about people and I had begun to earnestly and seriously care and love them.

As a result of everything that happened in 2011, I am stronger, I am better. I would even say that my aroma is sweeter. Instead of looking at everything that happens and saying why did that happen, I have begun to say, “Thank You God,” for the situations and the circumstances and to ask Him to show me what I am supposed to learn from it.

When we realize and accept it is all part of our preparation, like the preparation of Joseph in Genesis 37-50, it makes it a lot easier to deal with and to get through. The bible is clear in Romans 8:28: And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. The bad things that happened, the hurt we experienced works together for my good, for my sweet aroma.

Ask Joseph and his family. Ask me. In Genesis 50:20, Joseph, said, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people”. When we walk through the things God has allowed us to walk through we will be just like Joseph, no bitterness and no unforgiveness, just completing our assignment. We will be just like Jesus.......... He also had to complete His assignment in spite of the way people treated him.

As a result of what God allowed in my life my ministry direction, has changed. My focus is now relational fitness. The things that use to bother me don’t bother me any more. I can now reach out differently to the one that means me no good. When I started over 9 years ago this was my weakest area, today my greatest desire is to see relationships healed, reconciled and restored.

We serve a relational God. He thought so much about relationships that John 3:16 says, “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” That is a serious love relationship.

I don’t know what you have gone through, but I do know that just like me, just like Joseph and just like Jesus, God has a plan that includes it.

Scripture Reference:

1 Corinthians 2:9:
9 That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,
 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
 and no mind has imagined
 what God has prepared
 for those who love him.”[a