January 23, 2006

  Woman-Woman: Women Can Change The Atmosphere.

By Dollie Heard

If you want to see your relationships change you must realize that sometimes it has to come from us. Although we are frustrated with the men in our lives we sometimes have to be compassionate and understanding when we don’t feel like it. We have to be willing to admit that many of the men in our lives have not been taught by example how to love or effectively express their true feelings and desires with their mates or significant others.  

The men in our lives were sons and brothers before they were husbands. He may not have had a father or male role model in their lives to encourage or show him how to become the man God has called him to be. We need to acknowledge that they have feelings even though they are tough strong men. A man is easily torn down by words. Often men grow up with women telling them that they are nothing and using every opportunity to remind them of their failures.

This negative reinforcement often starts a downward spiral of self-doubt leading them to believe that all women who love them harbor these kinds of feelings. If that is what the woman that loves him thinks, what does the rest of the world think of him. Instead of building up the men we love, unknowingly we send confirmation to them that they have no value, worthless.

We as women must learn that we have the power to change the atmosphere through our prayers we can and will see things change in our homes, at our jobs, in our neighborhoods, cities, state and nation. I spent many unhappy confused years in my marriage because I did not know the power I had to change the atmosphere in my home and marriage. I made a positive change in myself, and my marriage changed. I started by changing things within myself, starting with my Nasty Little Attitude (NLA) and blatant disrespect for the man God had placed in my life.

I had to learn how to be open, honest and transparent. I had to ask God and my husband to reveal the things about me that needed fine tuning, accept it and begin the hard process of changing it through the direction of the Holy Spirit. It was not fun and it hurt, but if you want to be obedient to God, you will be willing to become the complete woman He has called you to be. No one said it would be easy. Remember it is for God’s glory not for your own, but I promise you will reap the benefits.  

Contact Dollie@mynewtemple.org for further discussion or go to our message board to discuss this topic with other members of our community.