January 15, 2007

What Is Honesty in Relationships?

I looked up honesty in the dictionary and I was surprised by what it said.

Free from deception, truthful, genuine, real, reputable, credible, marked by integrity, frank, upright, just, conscientious, honorable.

Do these words describe you? Do they describe your relationships or the way you treat others? Is it being honest when I allow you to believe whatever you want to believe? What about when I tell you the truth with my words but show you something else with my actions? You know I say that we are friends and there is nothing else between us and yet I keep allowing you to do things for me. I show caring but I don’t care.

Ladies and gentleman, we have all experienced some forms of dishonesty, the brother or sister that calls at night after the children have gone to bed. The one who can’t give you his or her home phone number or tell you where they live. Is that because they think you are a stalker or because they have some deep dark secret? What about the brother or sister that allows the relationship to drag on and will not call it off and they know they don’t want the relationship or you?

What if I tell you I don’t want you? What if I know your heart is saying something else? Should I just leave you alone and allow you to go on with your life? What about the little cute lines we have heard him say to every woman he comes in contact with. Yet for some reason we think it is special when he says it to us.

Is privacy a cover for dishonesty or lying?

Ladies and gentlemen, guard your hearts and your bank accounts. There are some members of the opposite sex who will allow you to believe anything you want to believe and have no intention of giving you what you want and desire most. They want you to believe you are special. They are pleasers and users in some cases. They want to make you happy. They want to make everyone happy. If they are pleasers can you ever really be sure that what he or she is saying is true.

In order for a relationship to be all that it is supposed to be and can be honesty is required. We have to be able to trust each other.

For those of you who struggle with honesty because you are pleasers or you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, be careful, you hurt our feelings by not telling us, allowing us to figure it out on our own and continuing to allow us to think you care. I remember growing up hearing it said that, “honesty is the best policy.” If you don’t care say so, it will hurt me less now rather than later, after I have become more attached to you. If you are honest you don’t have to expend time or energy trying to remember what you said before or to whom. Whatever the truth is, that is what we want and need to hear even if we do not think that’s what we want.

If you don’t love me, say so. If there is someone else that now holds the key to your heart tell me. If I have gained some weight and it bothers you don’t just move away from me, talk to me. I need to know how you really feel. I can’t deal with what I don’t know and if our relationship is to grown and thrive it can only do so if it is based on and has a foundation of love, truth, trust and honesty.

Can you honestly say that your relationships re built on that solid foundation? If not we encourage you to re-evaluate them and do what you can to rebuild them. All of our relationships should be built on honesty.

  Weekly Scripture

Ephesians 4:15: Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

For further discussion contact angela@mynewtemple.org or write to us on the message board http://mynewtemple.org/aMessages.html.